Ok, I don't MEAN to blink in and out of here like a dead neon sign or anything. But It's just been kinda...yeah.

The good news is, I'm FINALLY out on my own, living life, enjoying work (I actually do enjoy work. It's a pain and a bitch, sometimes, but...if you gotta work, this place ain't the worst to be in. Baking bread for money doesn't suck) the bad news is...I've discovered that the defining difference between "nessessity" and "Lugsury" is "I need this to keep living". Rent, electricity, water=nessessary. Internet=not so much. I THOUGHT (put more emphasis on thought, please) that after a couple months I'd have a good enough idea of what I could manage on my own. Then they started shaving my hours at work. The good news is I work well enough to not have whole shifts cut, but the bad news is that even three hours cut is enough to make me start white-knuckling on my budget...

...and that is ALL I'll say on the subject of my finances. I promise. This is not my place to bitch about life sucking.

Better news: I've been asked to do book covers. By the way, this makes /\ all that look pretty unimportant, so I wish that this had happened AFTER I found out they shaved my hours (and I said I wasn't going to talk about that anymore)

I've got a novel I've been working on for ever. I've actually finished the first draft AND second drafts, and am just "tweeking". The problem with tweeking your novel is you could tweek it forever and still find something else to tweek. Or at least, I could. I've discovered I almost enjoy the editing process more than the actual writing process.

So one of my mother's clients at her work is a professional book editor. Not with a publisher, but he edits books, for pay, for a living. And he mentioned to my mom both the editing AND that he has a book of his own that needs a cover. She asked him if he'd be willing to do a trade for services (he said yes) and then called me and asked if I were interested.

Can you say "Hell yes"?

Better, he reffered ANOTHER of his clients to me. She's published and also in need of an artist. It's just on spec work, I'll get "bragging rights and the promise of pay later", BUT...the bragging rights are almost more important than pay (and if work hadn't shaved my hours I wouldn't say "almost") because that's the kind of credit you can take to an agent and say "Look what I did on my own, wanna help?"

Phrased more professionally, of course.

The big, huge, mammoth reason I haven't gotten, what is it, "Creative representation" before now is...I don't think I'm that good. Yes, I see the same things you see, plus all the mistakes I've made, but it wouldn't matter if I made MIchealangelo cry every day, I still wouldn't think I was that good...or I'd feel guilty for BEING that good, and my first instinct would be to sweep all that "talent" under the rug and keep baking bread. I do not feel, and probably will never feel that my abilities and anything produced by them are good enough to stand up on their own. And if I ever do, I will feel guilty for it. Like I've conned people somehow.

Having something like a book cover in my name means I have no excuses anymore.

So...yeah, sum it up, life rocks, life sucks, best of times, worst of times. Ect. ect. and so forth. Unless by some strange miracle I manage to get the internet you probably still will not hear from me for a while...and then it will be a huge data dump, 'cause just because I have no 'net doesn't mean I'm not working.

Take care, guys